circle.s.

Ahhh... the clear crack in the neck, the release of the day...

i have been working a lot lately. it has made me realize, i feel bad for those who work much more than i do. to begin complaining would be childish on my part. the only part i feel i am allowed to complain about is being tired, strictly because i have been having to wake up much earlier than most other people who work.... that was unnecessary blabber.

i don't feel the need to constantly rag on work. there's no point. change can only be for the better. and how can that change be brought about by my own pessimism and self-doubt? i guess that's why they call me mellow yellow... that, and for other reasons.

in other bethany news.

my room is constantly in a state of catastrophe. there has been no hurricane or tornado sighted in these parts of Ohio for awhile, yet my room continues to be in a circular messy state... clean then catastrophic events take place, which has led me to reflect on my own life and well-being.

in other areas of my life, i am meticulous. hand me a folder to be organized and will it not only be organized alphabetically, but also numerically, and by color. stick me in my own room to organize, and i will not complete it for about a year, and when completed, will immediately be in disarray once more.

i still live in my parents' house. i think this has a lot to do with my messy problem. i am only messy in my room. i hardly ever make messes i don't clean up outside my room. there are several root problems:

1. i have too much stuff.
2. i keep too much stuff, which is not necessary.
3. i like control.
4. i'm stubborn.

i think the reason my room continues to stay messy is a conglomeration of these 4 root problems. a big one is the fact that it's my room. i will clean it when i want, how i want, and if i want to. since i do live with my parents, i want to maintain control over one thing, that being my room. i don't have much control of my own life right now, considering i still heavily rely on their support and monetary funding. so when i'm told to clean my room, at 23, i still DON'T WANT TO! especially now, that i am an adult and am treated like a 10 year old.

and on that note... to be continued... i should probably continue working on cleaning my room now...